25 Reasons Why You Can't Find or Keep a Man! Reason #1
Posted: Sunday, November 04, 2007
by Zenja Glass
OPC
#1 YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE JUST FRIENDS!
“It’s hard to get to know ladies without them expecting some type of a commitment right away. Sometimes I ask them out just to check them out and see what kind of person they are. I might ask a lady out on a few dates just to hang out with her and get to know her on a deeper level. The problem is, after one or two dates, she thinks we have some sort of a commitment going, and then gets all upset if I don’t want to go out with her the following week.”
“I think it is impossible for a woman to be ‘just friends’ with guys they like. I don’t even try to ask them out if I am not almost 100% interested in building some kind of a relationship, because the moment you ask them out, they expect more. You know… they say they want a guy that they can be friends with, but they don’t give the friendship a shot. They want to move right on to the next stage.”
-Single and Loving It
“I still can’t figure out why women get so caught up in wanting a relationship to develop so quickly after just meeting a guy. I am hesitant to ask out a few of my female clients because they automatically assume that this is more than just a business meeting, especially if I arrange more than two meetings. In the line of work I do, it is very common to meet over lunch or dinner and discuss the strategic plans for their organization. For some reason, I always run into problems with the women that are not married. I guess because I don’t have a ring on my finger, they assume that I am looking for someone. I am in a satisfying relationship with my partner, and I am not looking for anything or anyone else.”
-Single & Happy
“Guys always get blamed for wanting to move things along pretty quickly, but women are just as bad. The moment you ask her out, she is ready to walk down the aisle. Slow down ladies… slow down. (He laughs.) Stop trying to move things along so quickly.”
-Laughing Out Loud
“It’s better not to even ask out a woman if you are not serious about pursuing some kind of a relationship. I asked out one lady, and then a few weeks later, I asked her friend out because I wanted to get to know her. Well, the first lady I asked out had a fit. She cursed me out… talking about she can’t believe I had the nerve to ask her friend out after asking her out. All we did was go out for drinks… no sex… no strings attached. How in the world did she figure we had something going? See… this is what I mean. Women figure that once you ask them out, that’s it. All friends, sisters, cousins… everyone else she knows is off limits. Yeah right! Her best friend didn’t feel that way, but it didn’t matter because she was also crazy… in a whole different way. And you all wonder why you can’t find somebody.”
-Age 36 & Not Dating Friends
“You don’t even have to ask a woman out for her to think something is going on. They get mad when you are nice to them, and then start being nice to someone else that they know. I work with a couple of attractive ladies, and if I give a little bit of attention to one of them, and maybe start talking with a different lady a little bit more than the other one, they get mad. Women are crazy! I am not even dating her, and she gets mad. What sense does that make?”
-Single & Working Hard
Z’s Thoughts:
When I discussed this issue with my single girlfriends, to my surprise most of them agreed with this topic. A few of them said that they have pointed this out to other women. One of them said, “Tell the men to go to hell!” As you can see, I have a very diverse group of girlfriends. Keep reading… it gets better.
One of my best friends (Denise) said, “They don’t know how to be friends. If I am only your friend, then I am not sleeping with you. Brothers always want us to be friends with benefits. Friends don’t sleep with friends… how about that? That want you to cook for them… sleep with them… treat and wash their dirty underwear, and then five months later, they still want to be just friends!”
As you can see, my friends are pretty opinionated. But here is the question: Does she have a point?
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Zenja Glass is a VP and Author of: 25 Reasons Why You Can't Find or Keep a Man! Unedited Interviews & Quotes from 125 Single Men AND 25 Reasons Why You Can't Find or Keep a Woman! Unedited Interviews & Quotes from 125 Single Women.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Yes she do have a point.... sex brings about emotions so if you are just looking for a friend then sex should be excluded. Lovely Jaeon
No not really
This advice is easier said than done. Many women are looking for a long term relationship. And many men aren't right now. A lot of men are looking for friends with benefits, which is okay if both parties are okay with it. Personally, it's all or nothing for me. I don't want a man that is wiling to sleep with me and then sleep with another one of his friends just because he needs his "fix". I want someone that will be committed to me and me alone. Until then I guess it's nothing, and I can look forward to "all"."Get to know someone for 1-2 years" ...If I had 1-2 years to waste only to find out he simply wanted to remain friends... and I have tried this approach and with moderate success but the idealism which is projected in this statement is hard to attain in real life. Life is often about moving quickly to achieve an end that fulfils your needs, then balancing this to obtain the subtleties (i.e. a good relationship) can often prove hard. And keeping your mouth shut because he might run off if you don't - aren't you denying your own worth here??I'm afraid if I met the author of this article I would defiantly tell him he was an arrogant and self obsessed misogynist albeit a very subtle one with all his female friends..I am sticking up for all the crazy quirky women here, we do get obsessive, and can be crazy, but that comes from deep inside and it is hard to take an objective look and deal with these issues often, and actually these little quirks might be why you liked her or asked her out to dinner in the first place. You may as well go down the route of trying to choose her from a menu, to ensure that you eradicate all those little nasties before you meet, then you can look forward to the bland utopia you cooked up. Their are as many reasons why men fail to reach the mark too.I admit to being single and looking for a man and I recon I have a few issues of my own which could be why I am still single, but to say there is a correct and incorrect way of dating - entering into a successful relationship I find a little too prescriptive, people are so different and value such different things in life and in love. I have been trying for ages to find a man, I'm attractive intelligent, I have my own interests, and yes I can even be kind. What I have come to recognise (..still single at this point) is that if you do not love or respect yourself then things are bound to go $%&#$@* up, or so they say. These days it is not all about looks, chemistry is still pretty high, the important thing for me is personality - and a bit of understanding goes a long way.From the Author of this Article,You wrote: "I'm afraid if I met the author of this article I would defiantly tell him he was an arrogant and self obsessed misogynist albeit a very subtle one with all his female friends.."Regarding the last comment: I am a WOMAN. Please remember that these comments from my book "25 Reasons Why You Can't Find a Woman/Man" are from the individuals I interviewed... Yes, it was hard for me to accept some of their opinions; however, it was important for me to give you unedited statements.I love the feedback. We still have threads that are two years and running on Amazon.Enjoy!Zenja Glass
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